So eager for Halloween to be over..candy everywhere!

I am usually not bothered by "candy" except I am feeling abnormally challenged at the moment!  LOL!! I have hid every ounce of it at home, sometimes~ I swear, it is calling my name. A long bike ride proved helpful in relaxing my mind & body! I love biking, what a GREAT change!!

There is SUGAR everywhere and remember, that's my "crack"!!!

Initially, when I walked in and saw junk food eveywhere I must say I kinda "mentally freaked out!!" In Michigan, we kept no sugar in the house which really made my life much easier! "Out of sight out of mind" really helps/works for me, ALOT!!!!!  So today I have been super stressed, while Sophia, my 3 yr.old niece, is away for the weekend, I have yet to unpack because my sis left on a business trip to Mexico right away.  So, with much to do and my headaching I sat on the couch and eventually, did it,YES!! I ate this small bag of choc.chip muffin mix. (and yes, it was a child's portion) thank you God!! Idid taset good, though I sat there after I ate some raw mix then 3 tiny muffins and thought......what is up?????  I sat and realized I am STRESSED!! I have so many things happening so very quickly.  I need to just STOP!! I wanted to go mountain biking but its too windy, really, it is!!  I decided to sit down and pray and be still for Pete's sake...Food is so very tempoary.   I have a health issuse that is really concerning me right now, I am uncertain with exactly what it is, which has left me very scared, that is why I ate those muffins.  Bad choice,  yes, but lesson learned. I promptly called my Uncle who is a Dr.to start on my path of understanding. So good lesson, now going tomake a green juice and relax. New day tomorrow, mountaining biking and healthy choices  ! Thank you God for this mini- growth spurt..

Having a great time..great food...great work-outs :)

i dont have any internet access at this moment so doing this through a friend of mine's computer remotely.

Coming off Bipolar meds, moved, major shifts!!!!.....considering all

that I am TERRIBLY PROUD OF MYSELF!! Have been unable to run, which as you know, is Huge for me. Though doin it first thing Mon. am......My food has been VERY GOOD!!! I was pretty concerned considering I ALWAYS blow- it when I am traveling, it's my Free pass to chow!! Instead I brought all my yummy food in a bag, which was sooo easy, suppose I really want it more than ever and am willing to take the extra....Whopping "5 mins." to prepare. In the past 5 mins.evidently that was WAYYY  too long!!LOL!!!! :o)))))

*Reality check, how ridiculous is not wanting to take a" few minutes" to pack healthy options for a road trip!! It's our friggin' bodies for Pete's sake, sooo SAD when ya think about it~ ya know.

Feeling, well, Crazy at this point, my mind & body is just off because of the sudden changes.

Though I am VERY surprised at how well my food is!! In the past, all of this would have been down the drain~ FORSURE~! Its just not worth it to me, at all!!! Thank you God for that.!!  Very relieved that I am leaving in 6 hours, so eager to get settled and go running.... I know at this point my body needed to REST! Too much going on mentally and physically. I needed to Honor that.  And, surprising as well, I have not been beating myself up for it....THAT'S THE FIRST TIME............Uh.......EVER!!! So I am feeling great about not gaining any weight although I have not exercised in like 4 days and have had to relax my diet because I have been struggling to eat because I am SOO emotional that NOTHING sounds good, at all!!

Considering I am under HUGE stress, suprisingly ~ my food has been pretty good but REALLY miss my w/outs, excited to get settled in St. Louis then resume :o))

Hurt heal STILL 2 days no cardio!!!! UGH!!, that's my Saving Grace!! So feel like I am goin crazy, think I might hit Bally for some elliptical tomm.!! I need it soo bad for my Mental Stabililty bcause of this quick move!!

trying hard to not "stress eat" but doin well. cant wait to w/out tomm. hopefully no pain!

Great day, back on track....though my body is SCREAMING for more sugar...

Having been off it for a few weeks my body was SCREAMING in happiness at how Magically Wonderful it felt. Then ENTER School Weekend, ate horribly so I can EXPECT to have cravings for the next few days....just not fun but hey, it could be worse, right! Had a great 9 1/2 mile run, injured my heal on the last
 1 1/2 mile left. Had to call on a friend  to pick me up as I did not want to hurt it more.:o)

Despite a cooler filled to the brim with super clean food I barely cracked it open all weekend

I knew I would struggle with my new decision to move to St. Louis but didn't know this much! Had school in Ann Arbor all weekend and stayed at a hotel with my Gal Pal/ and FAVORITE fellow student and just let loose in the food department.  I just did not have the energy to think, I just wanted immediate comfort...  Food that I would normally NEVER touch was arriving at the door via delivery man!!!(You know that can't be good!!)  Crazy! Felt sick emotionally and physically after eating junk food, and woke up with a face covered red blotchy bumps and HUGE bags under my eyes.....The difference this time around is that I have been so loving and FORGIVING of myself and my poor choices.  I simply determined to get up early tom. am and go for a long peaceful run, can barely wait actually! I know it was only a minor set-back, whereas before I would have been on a week long binge......ahh! Change is Grand!! I LOVE ME!! The support has been so well, WONDERFUL!! Thanks so much everyone..!

At school for the weekend..just having fun!!!

My worst day yet..SUGAR BINGE!! :o(

Had to make some HUGE decisions today which always sets me up for a sugar binge of some kind...I found myself at the store munchin' on a Hershey Bar and buying chocolate chip cookie mix with my neighbor, though I must admit, she really wanted cookies so I didn't say no!! Usually if I am going crazy for something I head on down to 1of my 3 fave health stores for a healthier option but it was too late and I was near melt-down stage.  I needed to decide in a matter of hours if I was going to up root myself and move to St.Louis to help my sister, 10 hours away from my colonics, family, friends and my running partner & dog!! Huge decision!!! I am the first to say I get stressed rather easily and against the clock is even worse....So I downed some cookies and a choc. bar and I must say I felt sick and depressed about it! I have been working soooo hard!!!. Usually I would throw in the towel and binge all night and next day but this time it stops here! My face already looks yucky, I can guarantee tomorrow my face will blow up like a blow fish and have red splotches on it from the sugar, ugh! But I bought healthy, clean food for the weekend at school so tomorrow begins a new day. I didn't run today either!! I know that's a trigger~ when stress hits I NEED to run or workout!!! That's how I "work through" things. The food really did not taste worth how heavy and bloated I feel and it has only been 2 hours.  No self-loathing, no time for that.. I made my decision, I am moving to St.Louis because I need to support my family right now! Done, decision made! Now I can begin packing, I leave in 1 week.....:o)!!

Missed my run, ugh!! Busy day w/big decisions so no appetite..not the norm.

LOST 5 more pds. = 15 lbs total!!!!

It always comes off rather effortlessly for me in the beginning, as with most people, so I expect it to slow down considerably after this next month. My GOAL is 15 lbs. this month, so 10 more. Then 10 thereafter until I reach my goal which is May 1st. I am really enjoying my workouts, since I LOVE to run and LOVE my dog Rocky, it's a WIN/WIN situation. :o)))) forsure!

LOST 5 more pds....for good!! :o) that's 15 lbs. to date.

Have been feeling very well, having energy to do my work-outs, have been experiencing some depression as I expected. Usually the cure for me is a nice long run or journaling....though running ususally wins. I am trying to gently begin the real 'hard work' of diggin' down deep to unravel the emotions and issuses that have gotten me to where I am today.  In the past I have always been VERY BLACK and WHITE though such restriction usually backfires in the end. Gotta keep learning from my mistakes.  My sweet Gramp always said to me "as long as your stumbling going UP the hill your doing just fine." So I will take my 15 pds. lost~ not for granted, but as an inspiration that I know how to do it and just keep doin' it over and over againg!  ONLY 65lbs. more to go. Sure sounds better than 80~ Right!! :o))

Not feeling well hence not hungry, at all...early night.

Some day's it's just super easy, and today was one of those days! Great w/out. Thank you God! :o)

Some day's it's just super easy, today was one of those days, great w/out!!! :o)

Great day! Great run! Today was easy. Gotta love those days.

Lesson in "Self-Sabatoge"...Cider Mill.......

A friend just happened to pop over unexpectedly wanting to go the FORBIDDEN "Cider Mill", for an 1hr. and 1/2 I tossed it around in my head to go or not to go, back and forth. I finally agreed to go though would have a different approach. Usually I ONLY went to go because I LOVED the cider and YUMMY doughnuts. This time I really focused on  the atmosphere and my lovely company! It worked oddly enough! I walked around, noshed on the most beautiful Honey crisp ever, the cute guy behind the counter gave it to me for free, I asked again, "are you sure" he said " absolutely!" so nice!! ( he was pretty hot if I may say so myself...:o)) we then sat outside watching the ducks, horse rides and busy bees that drove us inside. Had a few small doughnuts and cider and then made like a banana and split:o). VERY soon after I rang my Father to ask if he would like the remainder of the cider and doughnuts, I wanted them as far from me as possible. So off to his house we were to unload the remainder of the stash!! Though it only took maybe 5 minutes from eating a doughnut and I was SICK as a DOG!!! They are sssooooooooo greasy and I never eat anything greasy, EVER, except for last year when I came here and got sick.....really. Long story short, I had BIG plans for today that I put off again because I came home and laid around all day because I was so sick! In the end realized it was my way of sabotaging my success. So no more. I will be up late completing the tasks I so easily Blew Off for a quick bite of yummy doughnuts!! Lesson Learned!

Rest day!! Was DYING for "anything UNhealthy" so I.......

basically ate "way too many veggies, still over-eatting, I just wanted to stuff my emotions, so I did!!! I was not up for "trying to figure out why I was emotionally eatting". I just didn't feel like it frankly. Which is what got me here in the first place. I have DECIDED to NOT beat myself up as I usually do and be Happy that I did NOT binge on Sugar, my hands down FAVE!!  So no self-hatred makes for a nice change & nice day! :o)

Struggling with organization- which is a direct paralle to my life.

As I continue to clarify my goals I notice that I am constantly sabatoging myself with clutter. I have read enough and common sense tells me I need to eliminate the clutter in my life to really get to the bottom of my issuses and what has kept me fat. My car which is usually pretty neat looks like a bomb went off and it irrates me to no end to open my door everyday, so.............tomorrow is "clean my car day". The thing is I KNOW I will feel soo much better after, interesting how I postpone things I KNOW while MAKE me feel better. Just acknowledging is a great starting point....

Getting "healthy" means 'Releasing' unhealthy food AND unhealthy people.....

As I am determined to end the vicious cycle of my past I realize how important it is to let go of certain foods, for me, SUGAR  is at top of my list. As far as people, it's people who are negative in any way.  I have such huge aspiration's for my life and it's SO easy to get pulled down by others', not on purpose of course, it's just them being themselves...no judgement at all.  I see so clearly how easy I can get into a rut and considering I am just coming into a month I need to be supported by family and friends, and *facebook Friends* everyone has helped immensely. (Thank you!!) Though now I have begun to "let go" of people who do not share my desire to become better, in every facet of my life and most of all those who love and create DRAMA.  I want happy, healthy, successful people, friends, coworkers by my side. It's hard!! I have a few people in my life that want to stay unhappy, unhealthy and complain about everything and it just brings me down...... I want and desire amazing people to walk by my side, I suppose you need to "let go of the old in order to bring in the new."

So as the Jefferson's say....."I'm movvvingg on up!!!"